I needed to take a -really- good look at an egg today, for a project I’m working on. I’m trying to get a really good eggy-looking texture onto a character I’m developing. So I grab an egg out of the fridge, and figure that it’s probably a bad idea to have an egg just sitting on my desk for the next couple of days without refrigeration. (And yeah, I could put it back in the fridge after looking for a few minutes at a time, but you’re giving me too much credit if you think I’d remember to do that.)

So I decide to do the logical thing and “blow” the yolk out like I’ve seen done on TV. (Julia’s great aunt was on Martha Stewart showing them how to make Ukranian eggs, and they did the blowing right there. That’s the only “Martha” I’ve ever seen, by the way.)

You know what? I must have been doing something wrong. Because I put two little tiny holes into the shell and then made “Plluuurbt” noises over my sink while my face turned blue, and nothing was coming out.

So then I made bigger holes. And deeper holes. And made more “Pluuurbtzzzbrt” noises and blew Yolk bubbles and just about passed out into a sinkful of dirty pots and pans.

Finally it started oozing out of it’s own accord, and I just left it for a while. Egg white is pretty gross. When I came back I had a bit more success… but it’s pretty hard work, and thank god nobody was watching, because I looked like that guy from Super Mario Brothers 2 who shoots eggs at you from his mouth. But I sounded funnier.

“Pluurrbtzzz”