“Jai!” Laszlo declared when I got to the office today. “Do you know what dai
is it!?!”
“Your birthday?”
“No! This is the BLUE CROSH day!”

So a gang of us ended up at the theatre with just moments to spare, for the
2nd night screening of Blue Crush. All of the preparation I’d done, psyching
myself down, did nothing to help me deal with the dismal quality of this
film. I usually start with the effects in a review, because that’s what I do,
but let’s do a quick review of the plot, first.

Kate Bosworth is a surfer chick. She’s angry and independant! She’s a maid!
Then she meets a football player, who pays her thousands of dollars to teach
him to surf. Wait, that’s a good part… a quote: “Why are you giving me all
this money? Are you trying to buy me?” “No, I’m trying to keep you.” *kissing
and then shagging ensue* This guy looks old enough to be her dad.
(Or “Fazsha”, as Goldmember put it.)

From this point on she becomes skankier and skankier, until the day of the
big surfing competition, where she has to reclaim her fierce spirit to win
(and then immediately reverts to skankdom).

I read on Salon that the drama was pretty weak, but that the surfing scenes
were excellent. Well, they weren’t. There were some cool camera moves, but
for the most part, the surfing stunk, the digtal face-replacements of Kate’s
face were more frightening than the aliens in Signs, and most shots were so
cheaply done that they just stuck a blurry blob over the professional sufer’s
head to make it harder to tell that she looked nothing like Kate Bosworth.

Oh my god I can’t say how much this movie stank. It was -bad-.

But Kate Bosworth’s bum is a highlight in an otherwise weak film.