So I’ve been on a one-man wrecking spree the past few days.
I was microwaving a late-night snack in the office the other night when I was
called away to check on a network render that was failing, and when I got
back my co-workers were in a panic around the smoking remains of my bagel. I
spent a few hours scrubbing the soot out of the nuker and it’s more or less
back to normal, but people keep complaining to me about the smell. And
laughing at me. 
Last night I tried to grind up a chunk of brown sugar that had solidified in
my garbuerator. That was a bad idea. Brown molasses shrapnel in every
direction. (Slow as Molasses is a baseless accusation)
This morning, coming into the office with a tub of chocolate milk at my side,
I faceplanted in the foyer in front of a bunch of newspaper reporters, which
was pretty slick.
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